then, there was me

its been a while now since I wrote something I can relate to. its been awhile since I relate to anything, especially, the one inside me, the inner soul. life have taken me on a fast drive. I told ibah yesterday, these few days, my life motto is "work first, live later".

no, I'm indeed not a workaholic. but it just happen that every beginners need to prove themselves, if not to others, but to their own selves.

this is my moment to prove my worthiness.

that I'm worthy of the monthyly paycheque. meaning to say, I still can contribute my energy, my love and anything I can do to help also to provide labour and services to my foundation.

that I'm worthy of the trust. meaning to say, I can still be a weekend daughter and a good sister for the family. And at nights as I got back at home, I'll find a couple of minutes to catch up with my younger siblings. its hard, since I helped in raising them up, they've been my babies. So, just to know that Afis loves eating nasi lemak at his canteen and that he have to race for the nasi lemak with telur goreng that cost RM1 rather than buying the normal nasi lemak which costs 80cents. And Fiqah have been courted by a Form Three guy who thought she is from a mixed parentage (which she nodded and smiled secretly and her co-curiculum activities (which I promised to get her a nice pair of basketball shoes since she joined the basketball club). Its just nice, lying down and laughing with them. Yes, I do come home around 10pm every night, but the nights catching up with the kids and goodbye kisses from my parents in the morning, I hope that they trust my commitment towards the family.

that I'm worthy of the friendship. meaning to say, every now and then, I'll find time to sms and call my friends even though I complaint how tired and busy I am. I'll squeeze in time to run to meet them once awhile.

that I'm worthy of the faith. meaning to say, despite my ignorance and not being extra religious or extra pious, I'm already proud that I'm doing good, trying hard to keep to my prayers and koran reciting, the fact that I pray for the people around me more than I pray for myself. of all things, I pray that God bless those who cared to shower me with love. and I pray that I have a calm heart through all the adversities in life.


proving one's worthiness, is not to announce to the world, I know. As this blog was meant for me to remind myself and being a selfless person, as I remind myself, there's no harm to also share so that people would b reminded too, if they wish to acknowledge it.

everyday I question my worthiness as for the ones stated above. I'm not proving myself for my employer, family, friend and of course not God. God will know, regardless. But I question myself as to prove to myself.

people have been so nice, my employers, my family, my friends, God have been so Gracious in giving such a good life. Am I worthy of all thats been given to me.

Thats when I sit down and cry. No, I didn't cry. I just wanted to cry so badly.

No, I'm not a workaholic. There's nothing workaholic about reaching the office at 7.30am, not taking any lunch break, leaving the office around 8-9.30pm, and still thinking of work and talking about work while at home. Thats normal. And I still have time to blog, read blogs and chat.

So NO, I'm not a workaholic.
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