when I could not hear what I'm telling myself

Last week I went to get a birthday card for my mom. Apparently I'm the card buyer for the family, for everyone's birthday. And I always have to buy 2 cards, from my dad to mom, and from us to mom. it goes like that for everyone's birthday. 2 cards.

its funny, becos I have this thing against writing or buying for other people to give other people. like I don't really like to write people's speeches. I think, everything you want to convey wont be right reading from a given text. if you're the master of improvising, then that's something else.

anyways, I was buying the card, and I noticed that there's extra 2 shelves in the cards section. One for chinese new year, another for valentine's.

another new year coming around the corner. for a multiracial and multireligion country which its people celebrate basically all celebration regardless, for the sake of holiday and sometime off (from whatever commitment they chose to commit their lives to), apparently we celebrate 3 new years, in a year. The new gregorian calendar (2007), the islamic calendar (1428 Hijrah) and the chinese lunar calendar (Year of the Boar). Having stated that, I would just like to wish everyone a new "boaring" year!!! (now I misses those wild boars rampaging through the garbage at my sungai besi house <- those who've been there would know what I'm talking about) but I would actually like to talk on the other shelf. the valentine cards shelf. so, february will be the month to celebrate love. or for those who's nature are love itself, a higher appreciation towards love, happening next month. february will be the month, for me to be busy, but not in love. last february, 14th February 2006 to be exact, I was mugged. there's nothing much to rewrite about the incident, but knowing that I was single, trying to find some quality time having valentine's dinner with a blogger friend, who asked me out becos she too in need of a valentine's celebration but the boyfriend was busy, had a great time making friends with her friends, only to end the night in such tragedy, was itself, a memorable Valentine for me.

as if being single and unloved wasn't enough. I was mugged and my wrist got scratched by the rusty knife from trying to grab my cards and money. the traumatic incident made me look indons differently now. and my using the public transportation less. and my walking alone on the streets faster.

love. if people associate me with love, it would be so totally irrelevant. I have bluffed about love. I have not felt love. I fooled even myself, that I was in love, when apparently I'm not.

no, you're not in love when you're not loved in return.

and on a particular valentine's day, when people celebrate love, I was mugged. it should prove how far I am from love. its not karma. its not about luck, be it a lady or a gentleman.

I am indeed a person who can play with words, and I can go on bluffing on love. but truth be told, I am the dumbest person when it comes to love.

I might say I know love.

apparently, it was love who didn't recognise me.

.