the unseen battle
she stood there staring at the monitor. her heart is crying so hard, yet her face was blank. no emotions. not in her face.
her hands went numb. she couldn't move her fingers. she couldn't even wink her eyes. but her heart kept on crying and sobbing and crying as if the tears are river flowing endlessly into the big ocean.
all she can do now is to log off from the messenger, turn off the computer, pack her bags and go home.
there's an emptiness in her life now. one she still in denial of admitting to it. why must she admit such claim when everyone around her loves her.
but is it enough that everyone around her loves her, but the one that she loves doesn't?
the thought of love is just mentally exhausting and heart wrenching.
she lost the trust.
she lost the love.
she can't imagine how she'd be if she lose the friendship. she'd do anything, to keep the friendship. anything.
but ... can she keep the friendship while watching the lost of her love?
and ... can she keep the friendship while watching the lost of the trust?
right now, she's appreciating the friendship that they are retaining, even after the love for her had gone, washed away by a sudden tsunami.
and she watch herself being driven out of the battle field on the cause of her fight for love.
fighting for the love that she most want.
in the end, she'd rather lose the battle to be loved, than losing the person she loved most.
.
her hands went numb. she couldn't move her fingers. she couldn't even wink her eyes. but her heart kept on crying and sobbing and crying as if the tears are river flowing endlessly into the big ocean.
all she can do now is to log off from the messenger, turn off the computer, pack her bags and go home.
there's an emptiness in her life now. one she still in denial of admitting to it. why must she admit such claim when everyone around her loves her.
but is it enough that everyone around her loves her, but the one that she loves doesn't?
the thought of love is just mentally exhausting and heart wrenching.
she lost the trust.
she lost the love.
she can't imagine how she'd be if she lose the friendship. she'd do anything, to keep the friendship. anything.
but ... can she keep the friendship while watching the lost of her love?
and ... can she keep the friendship while watching the lost of the trust?
right now, she's appreciating the friendship that they are retaining, even after the love for her had gone, washed away by a sudden tsunami.
and she watch herself being driven out of the battle field on the cause of her fight for love.
fighting for the love that she most want.
in the end, she'd rather lose the battle to be loved, than losing the person she loved most.
.
posted by *cosmic freak* @ 7:56 PM
5 Comments:
At 8:36 AM, February 15, 2007 ,
Girl Interrupted said...
While right now, I love all of ur entries girl...
At 9:00 AM, February 15, 2007 ,
Sarclover said...
BABE...
just remember one thing... love yourself no matter what happens. this coming from experience.
somedays you will wrench your heart out thinking about that person. what hurts you more is actually the fact that it meant nothing to him when it does to you.
look at me, im in therapy for God sakes. it's definitely not good when you get carried away.
*hugs*
At 11:02 AM, February 15, 2007 ,
tiNa husSain said...
sarclover is right.. it's useless to love someone who does not appreciate you..
for an instance, i was devastated when i lost the arrogant and annoying bastard (AAB).. I cried my heart out, weeping til dawn, blaming myself for all that had happened...
but in the end i realised that he was just a piece of shit and i should be thankful that i'm done with him...
you'll find someone who will love you with all his heart and soul..
you will...
At 2:15 PM, February 15, 2007 ,
N|i|N said...
sweetie, tina hussain is right. he's so not worth your tears. you might not see it now but trust me, when the healing's done, you'll knock your head and wonder "whatever got into me to even end up with that guy in the 1st place?"
take your time, dry your tears, heal your broken heart and then go take the world once again.
At 5:37 AM, February 16, 2007 ,
moment2moment said...
So much pain you are holding onto Cosmic Freak…..it is not the love lost that hurts, you can never lose love as love is within you and always there….it is your attachment to your lover that hurts….your assumption that he was in some way yours and would always be with you is what is hurting…if you are to move past this, have nothing to do with the man, he does not deserve you. If he will not love you with all his being as the beautiful woman you are, do not endeavor to be his friend. This will only prolong your attachment….there is only one way to get past attachment and that is not to be with the one you are attached to. No fooling yourself only time apart will loosen the golden strings and silver hooks of attachment you have in your heart. You are a rare and beautiful soul Cosmic Freak and if you rid yourself of this attachment (it is not love as there is no pain in love) and open truly to love, putting love for life, for god, before all else, love in the form of a truly noble man, not one that will betray your trust, will come to you. Have faith in the intelligence of life and life will reward you with a rare and all pervading love and happiness. You are ready for it, you have suffered enough not to compromise in love. Be good to yourself.
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