the cosmic vibe

I was driving this morning (btw, my morning is 6.35am) and I had this strong feeling that something is on tonight. I don't know what. For 5 minutes, I was listing every single person that I know (in my head), who could possible have any connection to it. Then ... I stopped at one name and got a stronger feeling. At that point, the thought of calling or texting her to confirm anything was a bit impossible as for 1. its freakin' 6.45am in the morning. and 2. credit bo liau! so ... the thought died as I blast off my radio, singing to Anita Sarawak's Cintamu Muzik di Hatiku with my windows down while I eat my mee goreng (yes, a multi tasker I am as I endure the long stretch of traffic on Jalan Kuching!).

I was reading NST earlier and a good 15 minutes ago, I laughed at myself. Laughing as in a bit of proud that my cosmic vibe was so strong and silly to actually doubt the capability of my good memory. Hahaha.

Tonight, at 9.30pm, the first pilot of "So You Think You Can Dance" will be aired on 8TV hosted by the gorgeously sweet and lovely, Juliana Ibrahim.

So, if you have the chance to catch it, enjoy ya! I'll try hard. Weekdays is a disadvantage for me, and even on weekends, I seemed to have failed to watch her shows, which made me look like a bad (online) friend. I know. Sorry dear Juliana.

Anyways, I wanted to share a small lyric that meant a lot for me. Which also made me think a lot too.

"the clown gives you his smiling face
is flushed and blushed
can't you see the tears behind his mind"

Something You Want by Mayu

Of all the lines in the lyric, I like these the best.

There's tears behind a clown's smiling face.
There's a smile behind an angry warlord's face.

Its a thought we should all dwell. Especially when one receives such response for all her sad entries, its just an alter-ego, a character developed by a writer. It relates, yes, but it doesn't mean that the writer is living a pathetically sad and lame life.

Its tiring to explain. Because ...

when I start explaining myself, I'll be taken as defensive. no. I'm not defensive.

when I start making personal comments, I'll be taken as judgemental. no. I'm not judgemental.

when I start telling the truth, I'll be taken as sarcastic. no. I'm not sarcastic.

thats what people got mostly confused. becos aside from all that, people fail to see, that explaining oneself, is expressing one's personal point of view, not to counter, but to share. making personal comments, is just to say that certain things can be perceived differently, and its a cautious warning so people would think twice on their own point of views. and telling the truth, might sound sarcastic, only to validate the saying, that "truth hurts".

thats part of the logic in my life. then again, thats only my personal view to share with others, so that people would know that not teh whole world sees things in just one perspective, and sometimes, from other perspectives, there might lie truth that will eventually hurts.

but thats life innit?


this clown is giving a smiling face and in a minute, she can stare sternly at someone. (",)