the roamer beats her tiny drums

changes.

its for the best.

I'm tired of being a nice girl, being called a nice girl and being taken as a nice girl.

Its tiring.

To have people think that you're a nice girl, and dependable. That you're someone everyone relies on to. That people would expect you to do the good things. That people expect you to be responsible, reliable, dependable.

Its tiring when all those people who thought of me that way, they aren't all those, and they depended on me. They expect that they can depend on me.

I get tired of being the rock.

I get tired of being the one committed to something, responsible for something.

I get tired of being the bigger person, the older person, especially for those older than me.

Because ...

I have no space for mistakes. I have no space for vulnerability. I have no space for sin.

And its not fair for me.

I can't get angry cos people assume I'm not the angry type. When I do get angry, people took it as me being ridiculously unwise.

And its not fair for me.

-----#-----

Lately, I rebel.

By not being the nice person that I am.

And I made some worried, I left some confused, and I hurt others.

Funnily, I felt guiltless. I didn't think its wrong.

-----#-----

Its tiring to be wise, composed and patient all the time.

It felt good, yes.

But its not fair for me.

-----#-----

I know people would think that this is the wrong move that I make, the wrong choices.

I'd say fuck off and let me have my time of making mistakes, making the wrong decisions and making the wrong choices.

I got tired of giving sane advices, wise guidances, keeping everyone composed, taming the temper of those in anger, making amends to wrongdoings done by others.

-----#-----

It gets tiring when all this involved the people I loved most.

It gets tiring not being appreciated enough for the sacrifices you've made, for the abundant, if not endless, amount of love that you gave.

-----#-----

some people, they don't tell that they love you often.

some people, they don't tell that they miss you often.

though they do.

I say, its time for me, the wrong, sinful, tempered me, to say
"fuck off. I'm tired. And give me space."

.