adjusting to changes

I've been a bit very ignorant these days. I'm not usually like this. I'm always observant and courteous. I will always have time for others. But now, I have successfully become self-centered. And worst, I got a bit comfortable with it.

Changes and adapting to it. There's no doubt I adjust well to changes. But human is a creature of habit. They like whats comfortable and normal, routine-based to them. To oblige to rituals and routines, its not really resisting to change, but more on settling down to comfortability.

When I was in school, I had this very great healthy lifestyle. Especially in my final year. I went to an islamic a science-based boarding school. During those days, I kept a lot of time to myself, being alone in the room writing, and yeah, if friends would notice, I was a sit-up freak. I will do my sit-ups like at least 50 sit-ups a day. That alone took most of my time, especially those days when I was a bit lazy to pump up my abdomens. Towards my final year, the routine would be waking up at 5am, having breakfast if not sahur (I love to fast outside the fasting month, those days la), goes to school, take a 10 minutes nap everytime after lunch, and after night prep which ends at 10.30pm, I would come back to my room, have my isya' prayer and would always read the koran before I go to sleep at 11.30pm. But I only sleep after I do my sit-ups. I hardly sleep after 12am. Not even during exams. Thats why I never studied much, let alone scored. I didn't do well in my studies, but I got out of school with a 4-pack abs, thats good enough for me.

I also wasn't a bookworm. More of a tv freak. And a writer. I didn't read much but apparently, my ability to bluff, to rationalise, and other extensive knowledge, comes from observation, having to change schools quite frequently and meet all sorts of people, from the gardener's daughter, to the state judge's daughter, to the trust fund children and also the security guard's children, I took in everything I learned from the lines on their faces. The worries, the sadness, the arrogance, the pride, everything. I just recently tried reading and it did suit me well. But, I always rely on my own comprehension, my own understanding, my own rationalisation.

For the past 2 years, a lot have happened. I've managed to live a normal person's 7 years of life within my 2 years. Emotional roller coaster, achievement and success, everything included in the 2 years. I have met a lot of people, everyone, highly known for what they do. I think I've done pretty much for myself and I know I've always wanted more. Human being are pretty much unsatisfied creatures. There's always something more that they want.

Life has been different. Recently, I've done something I didn't regret. Because I had a big lesson from it. But it cost me such a dear friendship. In which, I think of every single minute. Especially when I'm driving.

When things come to an end, we will be haunted by the thought, what were our last words, when was our last hug. I'm not person who regrets ...

but ...

It has been 3 weeks. Not good. Not good.