The Cosmic Wise and Crappy Words

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

those moments

She's alone with me tonight.
No stars to distract the attention.
Just my staring at her beauty.
She seems shy about it.
Not about her beauty.
But about my staring.
Though she was at ease.
Shy but comfortable.
It was just me and her and nothing else between us.
Shy of the attention,
but comfortable of the presence.
I looked down to take a breath,
then looked up again at her.
A slight tear ran down from the corner of my eye.
I saw the clouds opening the sky around her.
For me.
And for her.
Tonight, we are lovers.
Shy of the attraction,
comfortable with the affection.
I know she will go.
She know I will wait.
My heart beats faster each time I look up.
In hope to fly to the moon.
She shines brither each time she came by.
In hope that I swim in her river.
This is the story of true love.
It might not be a true story of love.
But what is true in love.
Is it when guilt is the one thing you constantly feel,
And blame is a deadly sin?
I'm in love and my fate is to wait alone.
She's in love and she's destined to be among the stars.

I love you.

Goodnight.
.

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Monday, February 26, 2007

how it feels like

its like ...

you've found the door. the one that you've been searching for. and you have these bunch of keys in front of you.

you patiently try one by one, key by key, to open the door.

sets after sets.

then, you went to search for another drawer of keys.

patiently.

one by one.

not giving up.

you really want to know whats at the other side of the door.

they told you great stories about it.

you try .... patiently. with determination.

you're not giving up.

no, not yet.

you want to kick the door open.

but the door is too nice to be harm.

so you try another drawer. incase the key you're looking for would be there. another set of keys. more patience. more time consumed.

you're not giving up. not yet.

in hope that the stories are real.

in hope that the patience worth everything.

you're not giving up. not just yet.

........

thats how you feel like .... when you found someone you can't have.

.

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the birthday .

Last Saturday (24th February 2007), we had a birthday party for my brother Muid at galeriiizu in Menara UOA opposite KL Convention Center. Here I would like to say thanks to all my friends who came and supported the event and got the opportunity to watch Muid perform 2 dance routines for Justin Timberlake's My Love and Toni Braxton's Give My Ring. Thanks also to Mr. Izu and Mr. Halim from galeriiizu and Juan and Jackie from Big Bros Workshop.

Sorry Muid that I am dead broke during your birthday but I guess I'll make up to it okay. hehehehe ... I'll promise to get my passport done for Java Jazz Festival so I can teman you there, InsyaALLAH.

There's something I'd like to share here, I know, in our culture, we don't express it much.

But this is to my childhood bestfriend, the one I grew up with, the one I love and hate at the same time, the one, whom, when I was a little girl, would constantly ask "kamu sayang sape lebih, adik ke, kak yong?".

This is to my brother, Muid, who had made so much out of his life, who has been through out a lot, ups and downs, and he's now 28 years old, and had achieved a lot, all due to his own determination, hardwork and effort.

This is to someone who has inspired some, amazed a lot and will prove to the world that he is a SOMEBODY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUID. (",)
(owh, happy belated birthday, hehehehe)



Me and Muid after an exhausting birthday.


Friday, February 23, 2007

the curse

they say once you start lying, you can never stop. Liar Liar. It has been made into a movie. Kecik kecik membohong, besar besok mencuri. yes. Black Eyed Peas sang it. Diana King sang it. Its all lies. Big Fat Liar.

Kecik kecik berbohong, bila besar mencuri. I use to steal money when I was younger. Yes, those piggy bank money until it got to my dad's wallet. I've learned my lesson pretty well. In my case, kecik kecik mencuri, bila besar hebat membohong.

These are things I'm not proud of. Nor have I regretted. If I didn't steal, I wouldn't have gotten myself caught and punished and then learned my lesson. I wouldn't know whats right and whats wrong and consequences of my actions. But I'm not proud of it either. No, it was nothing to be proud of.

So, the goody-two-shoes, miss you're-so-farking-nice abby is not a nice girl. In fact, she has a lot of hidden agenda. she's a hypocrite. and above all, she's a liar. Not a big fat liar. Maybe a tanned slim liar. Hahahaha.

The curse is, lying has become a part of me. Sometimes, it came to me automatically, instinctively, without even giving it a thought. puff, there goes one big fat lie to pollute the sincere and honest world.

last night, someone asked me what lie I've constructed for one particular situation. I told her, I can't reveal the lie. If I tell anyone, it'll lose its magic. Yes, there's magic to lies to, not just fairy tales. hehe. yes, thats how far I treasure this superpower I have on lying. I'm not Wonder Woman or Invisible Girl. I'd be The Lying Bitch. Hahaha. With some cute sexy outfit to top Wonder Woman of course.

a friend asked me once, "why lie. just tell the truth". there's such sincerity in her voice and I can tell she can count her fingers how many times she had lied to her parents. If I were to count fingers, it'll be the fingers of all visitors in Midvalley on a public holiday. Hehehehehe. Anyways, I told her, "because the truth will not only hurt my parents, but hurt me as well".

what you don't know won't hurt you. so lie. to be unhurt. (",)

Definition
3. caused by or evidencing a mentally disturbed condition: a pathological liar.


so, I'm mentally disturbed then, as I am a pathological liar. then again, there's not many who aren't farked up in their mind right.

once, in a International Management class, the new lecturer was looking for someone to be appointed as class monitor. Becos I was going on and on with my girls on how cute this lecturer is (who now we have yet to determine his orientation since its very confusing), they was eagerly to propose my name. The lecturer came up to me and asked, "Owh, you're Abby is it?" I nodded (he's handsome okay! baldy with glasses, what more can I ask for!!!). "Okay then, you'll be the class monitor. You do look trustwothy.".

yes. a verification of my trustworthiness from this simple geeky look that I have. First impression says all? I don't know.

lantas, tersipu sipu, saya menjadi class monitor untuk subject tersebut.

did he know that we, I mean, I, secretly snapped his picture, the first 10 minutes he was in the class, with my fellow girlfriends? Someone once said I look cheeky. Was that one of the attributes of trustworthiness?

back to the subject, the curse of lying.

yes. this goody-two-shoes and miss nice-girl is just a facade.

To the people who constantly think and said it to my face that I am a very nice girl thanks for voluntarily being deceived.

Well. I am actually nice. But being a manipulative lying bitch is much more my forte.

.
(so, I realised that when I write hopeless sappy mushy stuff, I get like 150 visitors a day, but when I write like this, being the original me to accommodate people who think I should write about other stuff, my visitor's rate is at 30 visitors per day. So thank you, thank you very much).

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something close to the heart

Thursday, February 22, 2007

its not about winning, its about how not to lose.

the headlines today read that the government agrees to ban fast-food advertisement in order to promote a more healthy lifestyle for the people. Okay, maybe not the exact words, but that what it meant.

Advertising has been the most essential part of selling a product. I know so. I studied business. And not only with the business background, even with friends in the TV Commercial industry, I know how important and profit-making advertising is to companies. Its indeed about selling your brand, and creating a mindset.

For nearly a century now that we call chocolate powder as Milo, coffee as Nescaffe and toothpaste as Colgate. Its already created in our mindset, and its done through advertising.

So, when we say burgers, we automatically refer to McDonalds, fried chicken to KFC, rootbear to A&W and cola drink to Coca Cola or Pepsi. Its a mindset. And creating this mindset, advertising have targeted us from the beginning, since we're kids. Thank you Ronald McDonald, Colonel Sanders, that A&W bear (I don't know what he's called) and whoever invented Coke and Pepsi. heh.

today, the society tries to live in denial. The perfect diet, the perfect body, the gym lifestyle. This should direct to being healthy. Government spent RM100million for a 5 year campaign on anti-smoking called Tak Nak but in the mean time, still gives license to tobacco companies, since it happens to generate good tax revenue for the government. And now, as for banning the fast-food chain advertisements, yet the Government will continue allowing the franchises of these chains to operate in Malaysia, as for the tax revenues generated is contributing a lot to the country's reserves.

So, who is losing and who is winning?

I'd say, everyone wins. I mean, everyone.

Advertising have been a great expense to any company, and as much as it is creating a brand mindset for the customers, companies tend to cut off some of their advertising expenses. So, with the new regulation, companies will find other cost-efficient means to promote their brands. And as far as food goes, you don't have to advertise, people will always come. And even if they stop having media advertisements, they can always opt for other channels of promotions. Especially when they've created their brand in the mindsets of many, especially within the simple-minded society of Malaysia.

The Government will gain respect from the people, who have fought for their rights in wanting to ban such advertisement, in order to promote healthy lifestyle. Or so they will think, and we'll see how much respect can give them such pride to think they're the best government in the world.

The people will live in denial, as how they'd choose to be. They will say how they loathe the fast-food advertisements, and secretly crave for a Big Mac or a Chicken McDeluxe. They still drink cokes in functions where only liqour is served. They will go to the gym, have this healthy lifestyle, and yet have secret cravings. Kids will grow up thinking these are all sinful food items and find themselves wanting to try.

The advertising agencies and TVC industry will also gain in order that they can pitch for that big government healthy lifestyle account and they will be credited if they themselves promote healthy living in the advertisements that they make.

Social responsibility will have a very bright future in Malaysia. And maybe one day, we will have a Ministry in Social Responsibility.

But at the end of the day, hypocrisy will rise and everyone will have a huge tendency of living in denial.

So, cut them off, ban them, save the lives of 26million people in Malaysia from the devil of fast foods. Let we all eat slow foods with lots of oil and coconut milk and solid food that will create a HEALTHY body.

We'll see what other "improvements" our current government will bring in the future. We'll see we'll be the healthy population they wanted to create in Malaysia.

For the time being, I'll hold on to all my guilty pleasures, and those contain of lots of caffein, nicotine and all the things the government will pretend to ban.

And this is a special note from a coke-addict, you can shut the whole world off, but I'll still find my coke even if I'm blind. Hahaha.


.

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Wednesday, February 21, 2007

the 'boar'ing year starts without boredom

A very Happy 'Boar'ing Chinese New Year to everyone!

So, how was your long weekend? Refreshed? Rejuvenated?

I have had one of the most wonderful weekend. Aside from not being able to follow my parents balik kampung, I'm fully utilised my freedom and got out and stay in as much as I needed.

My weekend included GhostRider (Eva Mendes, goddam gorgeous seh!!!! Argh!!!! tensi gue!!!), lots of lunch and breakfast conversations over lots of coffee, cigarattes and food. Clubbing, music, dancing and martinis. Poetry reading/book reading and meaningful conversation. A loud and crazy conversation with the Energetically Vocal girls minus Farisa (owh god Farisa, our loudness was decreased by 20% with the absence of you!!! and I can't use my word speed-o-meter la!!! I am SO MISSING YOU!!!). Lots of hugs and kisses from the girls. And sometime sitting next to Opah and talking to her. And of course catching up with my sleep and finishing a book, plus got hold on to more books and looking forward to finish them.

Thats like in a nutshell. The feeling is so much more.

And yes, sneaked out early this morning at 2.30am for coffee and roti bakar at brickfields with a friend and shared one of the most passionate conversation about life and career.

It should be a good wrap up to a great weekend. Even though I'm partially broke from not getting my pay yet. Hahaha. But murah rezeki, when you don't care about the money, it never seem to drain up from you. You'll always find way.

From the book I've finished, which my boss had lent me a couple of weeks ago, 'Writing Down the Bones' by Natalie Goldberg, I'd like to share a small excerpt from the book here.

Allen Ginsberg at Columbia University went up to his professor, the literary critic Mark Van Doren, and said, "How come you don't criticize work anymore?"
His response was, "Why bother talking about something you don't like?"


I think we should all take note on that, be less judgemental, more tolerant, as everyone has different opinions and its good, having variety of opinions. But, why wanna win over matters that you don't really like?

Have a great working day everyone. Friday is just around the corner.

And a special note to my blogger friends, I'd like to invite you all to Muid's (my brother) birthday party and the launch of his new website on Saturday, the 24th of February 2007, at galeriizu, 1st floor, Menara UOA, opposite KL Convention Center at 3pm.

Do feel free to join us, support my brother and also, just for the sake of me meeting you. You'll find me, somewhere laughing like a madcow among the crowd, or probably taking sometime off outside to contribute to the air and heath polution. Hehehehe.......

.

tell the moon something

tell the moon I'm happy
because I can smile
like the bird falling
given the wings they fly
given the heart I smile


tell the moon I'm sad
because I can cry
like the rivers flowing
given the water they flow
given the tears I cry

tell the moon I'm in love
because I can love
like the moon enchanting gaze
given the power of the moonlight
given the heart I love

tell the moon something
because she listens
that I'm in love and I love her
that I'm sad and I cry for her
that I'm happy and I smile for her

tell the moon something
because she listens to anything

.

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Monday, February 19, 2007

FAQs

abby, why is it your blog is filled with sad stories?

abby, whats wrong with you?

abby, why are you always sad?

abby, can't you write about other things? happy things? national issues?


and abby said ... if you want to buy a bowl of tomyam, or nasi beriyani, will you go to a bakery?

to her, her own abyss. to you, your own blog.

.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

when writers write

I'm not an expert in writing. I recently read a book about writing written by an expert in writing. And some of the points mentioned, are actually what I hold as my foundation in writing.

A lecturer once commented me on an essay. It was a case study business essay and the case study is a fake and created by yours truly, had received a praise from the lecturer and passed around the class as an example. She told me that I write with flare.

But, what I write, is the feeling that happen at the moment. At that particular moment. Because I had to let it out, as I have more and more ideas or thoughts to write about and I might as well get ride of the one coming in right then.

Writing depressing stories, unfortunate love, the endless quest for love, the heartbreak hotel and being its permanent resident, doesn't mean that I'm a sad person 24/7. No, I don't cry that much. In fact, I usually cry for a mere 3 minutes and laughed myself off. I can however laugh for an hour or so.

Thats why my friends, I mean my close friends I hang out with, doesn't really read my blog. Because as much as they like the fact that I can write, that I do write and I will not stop writing, they know I'm not as depressed as I portray myself in my writings.

Writers write to evoke emotions, the deep emotions that we doesn't usually emote. Like for someone who rarely cry, if a writer can make that person cries with his/her writings, then, the objective has been achieved. If the person is a hardcore dead serious, then suddenly started laughing while reading a funny story, then, the writer is indeed brilliant in writing funny stories.

As many people criticises my writings being too deep, too emotional, too mushy, too sappy as if I'll die of a heartbroken disease, then my objective is met.

Though I thank you guys for all the support, the motivating comments and whatnot, some of the feelings are simply created to suit the writings. And if you ask whether its worth it, imagine this. Someone who is really in that particular could stumble upon the post, relate to the story as to their current situation and benefit from all your supportive, motivating and dear comments.

So its worth it.


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yesterday. he was half the man he used to be.

Something I wrote awhile ago.


Cerita Cinta Semalam

Datangmu bak mimpi
Mimpi yang berulang ulang setiap tidurku
Senyumku diulit riang
Hatiku dibuai kasih

Kau berikan kasihmu
Kau buatkan hatiku mencinta

Tiba sinar mentari esok
Mimpiku tidak datang lagi
Kau tinggalkan jiwaku kekosongan
Kau tinggalkan buatku cerita cinta semalam

Cerita cinta denganmu semalam
Gagahkan langkahku tuk esok
Mimpi baru akan menjelma
Mencipta cerita cinta baru

Walaupun cerita cinta semalam
Kan ku puja seumur hidupku

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we both smiled. the moon. and me.

Bulan selalu tunggu saya
karena saya selalu jalan keseorangan
cakap dengan diri sendiri
tertawa kecil tanpa sesiapa di sisi

Bulan selalu tunggu saya
karena saya selalu melihat
sentiasa mendengar
sabar menanti

Malam ini
Saya akan tunggu bulan
Karena saya ingin ucapkan terima kasih
kepada bulan yang tak jemu
menunggu saya




I have been having this affair with the moon. I watch her every day and every night. From her full being, to her shy small curvy light. Its fascinating! Sometimes, its tiring to always wake up so early and leave the house at 6.30am, and not getting enough sleep. But I'm blessed to appreciate the universe, the diversity of colours showering the sky as the sun approaches, the moon waving me goodbye and telling me she'll be back to accompany me on my journey home later, the sun shines so brightly and the sky shows me that there's space, there's hope and there are places I have yet to go, and they exist.

Its a blessing for me. At least I'm connected. to the universe.

.

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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

the unseen battle

she stood there staring at the monitor. her heart is crying so hard, yet her face was blank. no emotions. not in her face.

her hands went numb. she couldn't move her fingers. she couldn't even wink her eyes. but her heart kept on crying and sobbing and crying as if the tears are river flowing endlessly into the big ocean.

all she can do now is to log off from the messenger, turn off the computer, pack her bags and go home.

there's an emptiness in her life now. one she still in denial of admitting to it. why must she admit such claim when everyone around her loves her.

but is it enough that everyone around her loves her, but the one that she loves doesn't?

the thought of love is just mentally exhausting and heart wrenching.

she lost the trust.

she lost the love.

she can't imagine how she'd be if she lose the friendship. she'd do anything, to keep the friendship. anything.

but ... can she keep the friendship while watching the lost of her love?

and ... can she keep the friendship while watching the lost of the trust?

right now, she's appreciating the friendship that they are retaining, even after the love for her had gone, washed away by a sudden tsunami.

and she watch herself being driven out of the battle field on the cause of her fight for love.

fighting for the love that she most want.

in the end, she'd rather lose the battle to be loved, than losing the person she loved most.

.

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

on being funny

I was asked to write something funny. Anecdotes to be precise.

Which lead me to ask some few friends if they ever come across of anything funny I've written before.

I don't know if I can write funny stuff. My whole life is a funny story no doubt. But despite being someone who loves laughing so much, who can potentially get a stroke from laughing, who can laugh until she pee herself to total embarrassment, who can get athsma attack from laughing and rolling like a mad cow (no, mad cows don't roll on the ground ... then again, they are mad ... who knows..), I rarely write anything funny in my blog.

I am however a funny person. No, I'm just saying that. Hahaha. I have this dry sarcastic funny that I think not everyone can accept, except my friends. But I got some "thats enough abby" when I repeatedly tell the same joke over and over again (just becos some laughed for the first time it was told).

Yes, thats pathetic and lame. So, I'm a pathetic and definitely a lame-ass joker.

Truth be told, the person I am is the one you see at the profile picture. The person who laughs at everything, endlessly goofing around like a fool.

Still, I'm not so sure whether I can write funny or not.

So, today is Valentine's Day. I got a few messages wishing me valentine's. Thanks. But I personally don't believe in celebrating valentine's day. Love is the constant thing and its endless in my life. Its in your heart beat. Its in every eye wink. Its every smile you make. Not just by your lips, but with your heart and your mind. Thats love. Thats what you should celebrate. Every heart beat, every eye wink, every smile. Not just 14 February every year. Thats just simply bias and unjust! Hahaha.

The only thing good about valentine's day is the nice love songs they play on the radio and nice movies or telemovies on tv. Thats about it. Other than that, there's nothing to celebrate.

Or maybe just because I don't have anyone to celebrate it with. Still, if I have someone, I won't limit it to just one day a year. I'll celebrate the love for that person everytime my heart beats. And when it doesn't beat, this heart of mine, then, I'll have to stop loving I guess.

.

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with a sleepy eye

in life, you tend to take many things for granted.

and sometimes, you've become ignorant.

in life, you get too caught up with beauty and the need to be near to perfection, your eyes fail to notice the wonderful small things.

and sometimes, you've become blind.

but there would be someone, the least person you'd expect to see, saw the small things.

small things that you actually need to have that little smile. once again.

I lost some trust from some friends. I gained some appreciation from others.

its useless to work or make up for something people deemed you're unworthy of.

and its priceless to know that you meant so much to someone you never thought you'd be.

with my sleepy eyes, I write this down.

hearing the voice saying, "abby, you really are a true friend. only a true friend would notice that"

as the voice blocked another voice. another voice which torn my emotions. yet make my heart grew with love in the most painful manner. painful, the one I've caused by my very own self.

if I write too much of love, maybe its my nature.
if I write too less of other issues, doesn't mean I'm ignorant.
if I write things that are too personal, doesn't mean I'm transparent.
if I write things that are too insignificant, doesn't mean that I'm not attentive.

we all live with a facade, some calls them "denial", some calls them "privacy" and some calls them "disguises".

are we all, those in the above groups, are hypocrites in life?

people say I contradict myself all the times, I get too defensive and I don't value privacy.

its useless to explain to critics who doesn't want to hear explanation.
.

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Monday, February 12, 2007

the reason

today, I had the opportunity to meet a group of MBA students from Kyushu University, Japan. I know this is not a surprise when one of them if a well know blogger in Japan, who have had nearly 1,000,000 hits for his blog.

Its pretty amusing to know how this blog phenomena have touched and linked people from all parts of the world. I check my visitors statistic and am flattered that I do receive a lot of hits from abroad.

I had a discussion with my brother yesterday on the content of my blog. I was told, (and this is nothing new) how my blog appear to be too emotional. To explain myself, as in what I would normally do, might make me look defensive and thats what people think of me nowadays. HOw defensive I am at remarks thrown upon my face and how quick I am to explain myself, even during times when I'm not needed to.

As for the art of communication lies in a very large scale, the art of touching and connecting with others lies on those who have the natural ability to convey messages, to communicate and emote messages and feelings.

That is what this blog is all about. The platform to share, not just by disclosing personal facts, feelings and desires, but reaching out to those who feels and thinks the same.

as a writer, there is no way on earth you can please everyone, hence the existence of critics.

what I want to do here is not to please everyone. I might contradict myself, or probably annoy others.

but if I can share what I write with a few people who feels, thinks the same as much to appreciate the thought of my sharing, then, I'm a happy person.

this blog is, aside from sharing knowledge, is actually to make me feel happy. I'd be tons happier if I can share it with people across the globe.

.

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Thursday, February 08, 2007

a moment to think

I just browsed thru kickdefella's blog and watched Saddam Hussein's execution's video.

Let me share some statements from the War Crimes booklet.

Lesley Stahl on U.S. sanctions against Iraq: "We have heard that a half million children have died. I mean, that's more children than those who had died in Hiroshima. And, you know, is the price worth it? US Ambassador at the United Nations (soon to be the Secretary of State) Madeleine Albright: "I think this is a very hard choice, but the price - we think the price is worth it."

CBS - "60 Minutes", May 12, 1996


Lesley R. Stahl is an American television journalist. As of 2007, she has reported for CBS on '60 Minutes' for nearly 16 seasons.

Its funny isn't it. When sometimes, we get too indulged with ourselves, we know there's problems in the world, but we ignore it. I know everyone have problems. I know sometimes, we end up feeling helpless, knowing we can't go there and help, nor do we have a big enough voice to opt for changes. But, it doesn't hurt to once awhile, forget about those love problems, those new shoes on sale, those eye candy guys in hartamas square, but to have a moment and discuss real, substantive and relevant issues. Acknowledging them is enough for us to create a global mindset in search for a better future. Don't you think?

.

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In search of Peace, we have to Criminalise War

It was an HONOUR, definitely an HONOUR, to be exhausted, to have blisters at my feet, to feel every part of my body aching, to not be able to eat because I had to run around here and there, because I was part of such a remarkable, exciting, interesting, inspiring and EXCELLENT event of the year, the PERDANA GLOBAL PEACE CONFERENCE & EXHIBITION 2007 - "Expose War Crimes, Criminalise War".

I know a lot of you out there, especially those I know personally, couldn't attend the event because it was held on working days and Profit-Making industry won't let people take leave to attend events like these. So I thought, I might as well share my experience here, as for sharing knowledge, experience and feelings have become my forte these days (though condemned and criticise, I don't care shit bout that).

The event have taken a whole 6 days of my life out off blogging. Yes. Indeed it had, and was a bit depressing in that sense. Nevertheless, I did manage to "curik" a few moments to run up the Secretariat Room and check the blog to see if anyone misses me. Hehehe. (It was worth the run, I might add).



Ms Cynthia McKinney, a former representative to the House of Representatives for the 4th District of Georgia addressed the forum during the Q&A session.


The event, took place in the Merdeka Hall, PWTC from Monday February 5th until Wednesday February 7th. Although I have been doing the job assigned since, February 1st, despite the holiday, have been coming to work, including Saturday and Sunday. I was at PWTC the whole day.

It was an incredibly informative forum (now I know that depleted uranium exist - okay, don't judge me!) and I learned hell a lot, and a lot of it was hell. Especially listening to "The Man in The Hood", Ali Shalah's testimony, of his hell experience in the Abu Ghraib prison, how the US Army treated the prisioners, god, WaAllahualam, only God knows how much he had suffered. What amazed me the most, is that he was able to read out the testimony, to tell the story (in Arabic, assisted with the English translation as subtitles), he didn't break down as everyone else brokedown and cried. When repeating the story, re-telling it over and over again would mean reliving the life he so much wanted to forget. But I told someone, that he was taken in the prison a normal man, now, he's the strongest man. But there's more coming ahead, the consequences and risk he'll be facing for exposing the truth. It is a scary thought but I have faith when I said he has become "the strongest man", he'll be able to face things that'll come his way.


The incredible turnout to witness the testimony of "The Man in The Hood", Ali Shalah.


There are a lot of things happening in the forum, the incredible individuals that I've met. It was totally a Global event. The speakers are so incredibly great, credible and eloquent in their respective field.

I think I enjoyed most are the ones from these speakers.

Ms Hana Bayaty, who talked about how we should actually support the resistance in Iraq to show how small powers, actually have powers to resist the so-called big powers. Ms Hana Bayaty is a writer and chief editor of Al Ahram Weekly for Iraq and also member of the executive committee for Brussels War Crimes Tribunal. I might just say, she is just so gorgeous, she doesn't look like an Iraqi, with her exotic Mediterranean beauty, one might mistaken her for an Italian lady.

Then, Dr. Christopher Busby, the scientific secretary to the European Committee on Radiation Risk who also edited the recommendations of the ECRR Committee 2003 and also and expert and author on DU. But what would make him memorable is the way he talk (since he is a scientist, one might not expect he would talk casually and freely), and of course, the peace song that he composed and sang in front of the 2000 peace activist who came during his session. He was bombarded with girls coming to him and asking for his autograph as if he's somekind of a rockstar. But a humble scientist, he said "you don't know how much this had boasted my ego".

And the last on my list would be Muhammed Umar, Chairman of the Ramadhan Foundation. A Palestinian who have resided in the United Kingdom. And I must agree with him, that all we want is integration. I quote him, "You can be 100% Muslim, 100% Catholic, 100% Jew or whatever, but what we all want is integration" (unquote).

There more great speakers, but since I was working in and out of the hall, I could really sit and enjoy their sessions. I did enjoy the knowledge I gained from Dr. Leuren Moret, who is a geosccientist and radiation specialist and had testified at the International Tribunal for Afghanistan in 2003 as expert witness on depleted uranium. She told me, she did the research on depleted uranium for 7 years, and 16 hours everyday during that period. Wow! Simply incredible I tell ya! And she was kind enough to have a picture with me and kissed me luck.


Dr. Leuren Moret, the warm and friendly French speaker with the Cosmic Freak


I had the pleasure of talking to a participant who came all the way from Dublin, Ireland. Valerie Shortland, a committee member of the Irish Anti War Movement who came here on the invitation of her friend, Mr. Ibrahim Mousawi, a Palestinian who is one of the expert witness on stand during the War Crimes Tribunal yesterday and also the editor-in-chief for Al-Intiqad & Al Manar TV. Valerie shared with me the progress of her movement, how they are petitioning in Dublin against the entrance of war aircraft in their sky territory (okay, I sound stupid, I don't know the exact term). Valerie right now is off to Bangkok, to join her daughter who volunteered in a government orphanage there, in search of one handicapped Thai orphan with means to sponsor him. I wish her the best of luck in her quest. She might not be able to save 200 children, but saving one would do enough than anyone else who questioned her intention and told her that saving one wouldn't help the situation in general.

The forum have been an eye opener, had encouraged me to work harder.

It is a blessing to just work around such aspiring and inspiring individuals.

I would also wish the best of luck for Tun Dr. Mahathir who have been nominated by the Congress of Bosnik Intellectuals and two Christian groups the Serb Civic Council from Bosnia and Herzegovina and the Croat National Council for the Nobel Peace Prize.

As Ms Cynthia McKinney stated, "Kuala Lumpur is now, the capital for Peace".

So please, don't call this BodohLand anymore. If any of you would do that again, I'd advise you to find a smarter land to live in.

More information can be obtained at the Perdana Global Peace Organisation website and also news can be obtained at the newsroom of Perdana Leadership Foundation portal. In the PGPO website, they promised to upload the mp3 and lyrics for Dr. Christopher Busby's peace song.

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bulan yang indah

a poem I wrote which I shared with some people the night I saw the gorgeous moon. and I was right, those people were able to enjoy the moment with me. It was the night when the moon was full. (",)

February 3rd, 2007. 2122 hours.

Bulan yang indah,
Senyum padaku,
Katakan padaku,
Indahmu membawa khabar,
Bahawa
Suram itu bukan duka
Gelap itu bukan gulana
Muram itu bukan sedih
dan
tidak berharap bukan bermakna putus harapan.



Sekian terima kasih.
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The freak is BACK!

Hi people! I so totally MISS blogging, so, it is possible to have nearly 50 post for today. I am warning you in advance.

First I would like to start with my notebook writings which I had done as a substitute to blogging. Here goes some crappy 13 pages of nothing. But for better view, I mean more readable view, please click on the images okay! It took me awhile to scan it this morning cos Muid (my brother) had taken the scanner to his office so I can only scan at my office now.

Page 1


Page 2


Page 3


Page 4


Page 5


Page 6


Page 7


Page 8


Page 9


Page 10


Page 11


Page 12


Page 13


I'll be back later, these are for your morning browse okay! hehehe, gosh, I so miss blogging man! daymne it!

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

to compensate

as I won't be in on the morning till after lunch tomorrow, and today is holiday but I'm in the office for a quick stop, I reckon I write some stuff.

its been awhile since I've started writing. and technically, I didn't improve. yes, a new word here and there, the ability to detect typos and so forth, but the writing technique is still the same.

and as I saw adik yasmin's comment for my previous post, that she's been reading my blog for a year now, as flattering as it is, I don't know whether I have managed to give readers the reading pleasure of staying with me all these while.

I know Farisa is so gonna kick my ass for this, as she told me I am a good writer and how she loathe the fact that I always think I'm not good enough.

I know I'm good. But as good enough I am for myself, I'll never be good enough for other people.

But thats the issue that's been in the head of probably a lot of people. Are we good enough for people. As we question that, we are actually stating or sending one particular vibe that we are unaware of, which is "are people good enough for us?"

so, those who kept questioning themselves, humbling themselves to the point of annoying others with their modesty, are actually vain and a narcissist in disguise.

having said that, yes, I'm vain and also a self-confessed narcissist.

tetapi....

kadang kadang orang salah tafsir karya karya saya yang sering diperlihatkan sebagai terlalu terbuka dan terlalu peribadi untuk dikongsi dengan para pembaca.

di kala itu, saya tidak boleh berkata apa apa dan cuma mampu tersenyum.

those are are transparent and wouldn't mind sharing and emoting their feelings, are actually those who have a deeper and darker side of them people would never notice.

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