The Cosmic Wise and Crappy Words

Friday, November 30, 2007

what you don't know, won't hurt you

maybe that's the reason for a person to lie. or be dishonest.

I haven't been here for a long time. people have been asking about my silence and what had happened. I have no desire to write. Not because I don't have the time. It was a subconscious decision to take a sabbatical from writing.

next week, there will be a new start. a new job. a new set of people that would enter my everyday life.

stepping into the future, doesn't mean you're letting go of the past. The past had thought me a lot. A lot until I'm carrying a bundle of secrets in my heart.

secrets of why I appear to be misunderstood, or what made me hard to be understood by people.

my confession of being a liar have been misperceived by some. and being the person that I am, I failed to be either defensive and felt too tired explaining myself.

my honesty have hurt a lot, and most of all myself. I had to constantly lie to myself to keep things going in a smooth flow.

the truth is. I didn't write anything good since I quit my job because I tried to avoid to write about it. but who cares. people have decided what they would think and I'll let them be. They have their own mind and heart. It was not a fun 2 months in my life since. But I learned a lot. And I met someone who would make me happy.

But now. Is it just happiness that I wanted?

When you had lived your life in loneliness and rejection, happiness comes as a culture shock. You don't know how to handle it, and in the end, you miss being a loner because you're so used to it.

yes. I'm carrying a huge bundle of secrets that would hurt a lot of people. These secrets would allow me to stop lying to myself if I start being honest to others.

In the end. Who do you rather hurt? Others or the person you live your whole life as?

maybe ... its not about what you don't know won't hurt you.

maybe ... you should've not known me to begin with.