time

we all need time. time to heal. time to cope. time to remember.

had some time with people from work last night. a little bit too much to drink, however managed to engaged in some interesting conversations. danced a little with strangers. wasn't at my good state. but, somehow, i let loose for awhile. i think i practically hugged everyone and became ... yeah, "extra nice" me. as i wrote this down, i'm still dealing with dizzying headache.

I was absent in some people's life. a phase we come about. space to venture and explore out. a tiny bit of arrogance consume a small part of this little heart and simple mind. it took a hangover to realise things back in perspective. availability. as i was discussing with an old friend sometime back. we keep to whats available in front of us. family. friends. people. i love the mee rebus in the corner in pekan sungai besi. it might be one of the best mee rebus i've ever tasted despite the dodginess of the stall. but its not within my reach. i can make effort to go there. but ... inavailability of time, means and effort does not let me. i still adore the mee rebus tho. i hope the makcik still remembers me. and i hope the stall is not shut down yet. maybe this weekend. hopefully.

ignorant. thats the right word for me. i shall no longer make excuses. if ignorant i've been, ignorance i shall admit to. honestly. and bluntly.

blunt. someone taught me that. someone who has been haunting my dreams lately. someone who i gave a faithful friendship wholeheartedly, who dismissed me easily. becos i am no one at the end of the day. and so, i took my time. i make myself busy. with changes. with plans. with projects. i might not be pretty. i might not be smart. i might not be a star. i might not be an actress. i might not be a writer. i might not be a photographer. i might not be someone who would capture the attention within seconds. boo hoo for that someone. never boo hoo for me. becos by destiny we met, and by fate we came apart. and i'm most glad. it led me to other people. who gives me hugs. who whack my head when my sarcasm gets on their nerves. who says in the most subtle way that they don't like it but they know i meant no harm. those who gives me spaces. but also succumb to my need for affection.

time is all i need. and time is what we have. i wrote a small poem about time which was based from a small excerpt of the old testament that Paulo Coelho included in his "Eleven Minutes" book. I forgot my version of the "time" poem becos it was written in the "Eleven Minutes" book i gave to that someone who step out of my life. but let me share the excerpt which was written in "Eleven Minutes".

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.

i'll find time. don't worry. spiritually, i do remember. a cosmically, i do care for all.