The Cosmic Wise and Crappy Words

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Vow

Do you date?

No, I don't. Do I need to date?

Well, everyone looks for love.

No, maybe not me. Maybe I don't know. Maybe there's no one for me. Maybe. But, frankly speaking, I don't care. I do appear like a fucked up emotional person, but I realised, all I have time for is work, trying to please my parents, trying to make amends for not being home enough, trying to accommodate friends here and there and trying to survive.

What if someone comes up to you and tell you they like you?

I doubt there's any.

Don't you want to be with someone?

I am very insecure. I don't think I'm a girlfriend-material type of person. Everyone loves to hangout with me, but they're scared of dating me, I guess.

Why?

Because I want more. I want companionship and equal partnership. Something people around me don't believe anymore. Its more like a sexual lovey dovey experience when dating is concerned. Its more like being socially accepted and trying to fit in.

Have you been in love? You sound so skeptical about it.

I have, yes. In the most deep way. We found comfort in partnership, being at the same intellectual level, understanding the same things we face, and believing in each other's dream and passion.

Then what happened?

Then it became too good to be true and somehow, it seems unattainable.

How is it too good to be true?

Because we lost the spark. We became 2 people who complements each other, who trusts each other so much until I got too comfortable not fighting for what I want.

So then, trust is overrated in this case?

No, it was misused. By both parties.

How are you going to move on if you're not letting go?

I have moved on. I let go. But apparently, I don't find the need to stop anywhere anymore. They all wanted something I can't give. And they are not willing to give something that I want.

Can you live a life without even flings?

Flings are tiring.

Are you sexually deprived then?

No, I'm celibate ... for now.

Are you looking for someone?

It'll be nice to have someone. But for now, I'm nobody's find.

But people do find happiness in love.

I wish them all the best. I respect those who does, I wish for the best of love between them and their loved ones. I'm too insecure for love. Hence I became a skeptic. But thats my own take. Some people believe in God, some people don't, thats their own take. Mine is this. I believe in love, but its not for me yet.

Do you think all this negativity about love is somehow sending a negative aura that blocks love from coming your way?

Everything happens for a reason.

And what might your reason be?

That I'm a troublesome 26 year old who have dual personality issue to come up with such a conversation with this voice in my head and document it in my blog.

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